When you struggle against this moment, you’re actually struggling
against the entire universe. Instead, you can make the decision that
today you will not struggle against the whole universe by struggling
against this moment. This means that your acceptance of this moment is
total and complete. You accept things as they are, not as you wish they
were in this moment. This is important to understand. You can wish for
things in the future to be different, but in this moment you have to
accept things as they are.
against the entire universe. Instead, you can make the decision that
today you will not struggle against the whole universe by struggling
against this moment. This means that your acceptance of this moment is
total and complete. You accept things as they are, not as you wish they
were in this moment. This is important to understand. You can wish for
things in the future to be different, but in this moment you have to
accept things as they are.
-Deepak Chopra
We are, each of us, on a road, long and winding, that has taken us from the person we used to be to the person we are now. On this perilous journey our direction has been influenced by people, events, and the places we have been. Think of the number of people who have crossed your path in just the last 12 months. Reflect for a moment on the things you have read or encountered that have given you pause, things that have either filled you a sense of wonder or bewilderment, maybe disappointment. The manner in which we deal with these feelings is paramount to our levels of tolerance and or acceptance.
Let’s look at tolerance for a minute. The definition from the Merriam/Webster Dictionary: Full Definition of TOLERANCE . 1: capacity to endure pain or hardship: endurance, fortitude, stamina. 2: sympathy or indulgence for beliefs or practices differing from or conflicting with one's own.
So, living in Deep South Texas I have become tolerant of hot summers. I am smart enough to know that there isn’t much I can do to keep that mercury from trying to kiss the top of the thermometer, so I have developed a tolerance. Actually that tolerance keeps me from having to deal with my distaste day after day. I may not like it, I find it somewhat distasteful, but I deal with it. I find ways to best avoid the offending heat - run errands early in the morning or in evening. This definitely fits with the first section of the definition - capacity to endure pain or hardship - endurance, fortitude, stamina. But what about when my tolerance refers to an attribute of another person, a physical fact over which they have no control? Take age for example. Is it tolerance, possibly barely masked, I am exhibiting when I maneuver around an older driver driving below the speed limit? Tolerance would dictate that I at least show sympathy or indulgence for their belief that 45 mph is a safer speed for them at that particular time. I checked the law - 40 mph is minimal limit - so they are within the law. Am I actually being tolerant - or just impatient? Since we’re talking about age - what about teenagers? Ah, let me list the ways I that I might dig deep to show tolerance - music, dress, language, the umbilical cord to electronics… Have I ever said - Oh, that’s just how they are. Age is something over which they have no control. Is my “tolerance” actually about being positive toward our differences or am I patting myself on the back for holding myself above that fine line between tolerance and contempt for those who are not quite like me. What about skin color, sexual orientation, physical handicaps? Do I ever generalize, verbally or in my mind, about a group? Is it fueled by fear...ignorance?
What about tolerance with reference to practices differing or conflicting with mine - another aspect of the definition of tolerance. OK, religion. I know that I cannot wrap my mind around the ideas of God shared by many of my friends and family. It just doesn’t work for me. Does my tolerance of their beliefs diminish my value of them as a person? This is where I see that mere tolerance can be, in general, a negative thing. It’s fine to say I tolerate the heat, but if I tolerate my neighbor it’s not exactly a glowing endorsement. If I tolerate someone or their ideas in sympathy or indulgence for my own different beliefs it implies that there is something wrong or bad about them. If someone believes differently than me, the complete opposite from me - both of us strong in our beliefs - does tolerating those ideas allow me to treat them or even think of them as wrong?
This is where I find it necessary turn down the road - away from tolerance toward acceptance. Let’s again start with the definition of acceptance from Merriam/Webster: the act of accepting : the fact of being accepted : approval . My research here showed that putting it into practice is not an easy road. In an article on Acceptance vs Tolerance Matt Kailey warns us of the potholes in the journey toward acceptance. He writes:
Acceptance still has its unspoken baggage — “I
accept you — in spite of your sexual orientation, gender identity, ethnic
background, religion, pathetic bank account, unimpressive job, really
bad hair.” Acceptance can also comes with a disclaimer. Not only that,
but the whole idea of acceptance can often be accompanied by a notion
of generosity and do-goodliness on the part of the acceptor, who can
walk away feeling very self-satisfied that he or she was able to put
prejudices aside and accept you for who you are.
This still leaves you in the subordinate position — the position of being
the one who is accepted. And for this, you are supposed to be grateful.
The difficulty here is that while I may not be able to agree with the beliefs that others hold, I need to accept - approve - of their belief in them. I need to understand and accept that these beliefs are are part of who they are. During my research for my sermon on the third UU principle, ACCEPTANCE OF ONE ANOTHER AND ENCOURAGEMENT TO SPIRITUAL GROWTH IN OUR CONGREGATIONS, I really started to look at accepting people and beliefs differently. I did more research and, go figure, there is not an easy way to become an accepting person. Do I accept, approve of the person, yet reject their beliefs. There were articles that gave that as the answer. Jason Sharp describes acceptance in this way: Acceptance involves understanding and togetherness; it celebrates differences and allows people of different places and lifestyles to live together and help each other. Accepting someone means that you let them completely into your heart regardless of their lifestyle or way of thinking. You connect yourself to them and openly share yourself with them and them with you. There are no boundaries, just different ways of approaching the same problems.Different ways of approaching the same problems not a right and a wrong way. Of course this brought me around to the sermon Emily gave a few months back on the different ways that liberals and conservative process information. It makes sense to me that before I accept the person but disregard the idea I owe it to both of us to at least try to understand why they feel as they do. An article in Time Magazine reported on a new study published in the journal PLOS ONE, a group of political scientists and neuroscientists have found that conservatives and liberals use different parts of their mind when making risky decisions, and that these differences in brain function can be used to predict party affiliation. While these differences do not mean that ideas cannot be changed through information and education, it does indicate that if we don’t try to understand why others beliefs differ so much from our own we will never be able to really accept each other or meet on common ground.
Again from Jason Sharpe: I use “acceptance” all the time, and until there is a better word — one that really signifies an equal balance between various individuals or groups — I will probably keep using it. This research has actually been life changing in the way I look at ideas, situations, and people. I hope that as I continue on my journey, long and winding and full of potholes, that I move consciously forward in my destination of being a truly accepting person.
‘Cause in the words of Lewis Caroll - " If you don't know where you 're
going , any road'll take you there" .
Let’s look at tolerance for a minute. The definition from the Merriam/Webster Dictionary: Full Definition of TOLERANCE . 1: capacity to endure pain or hardship: endurance, fortitude, stamina. 2: sympathy or indulgence for beliefs or practices differing from or conflicting with one's own.
So, living in Deep South Texas I have become tolerant of hot summers. I am smart enough to know that there isn’t much I can do to keep that mercury from trying to kiss the top of the thermometer, so I have developed a tolerance. Actually that tolerance keeps me from having to deal with my distaste day after day. I may not like it, I find it somewhat distasteful, but I deal with it. I find ways to best avoid the offending heat - run errands early in the morning or in evening. This definitely fits with the first section of the definition - capacity to endure pain or hardship - endurance, fortitude, stamina. But what about when my tolerance refers to an attribute of another person, a physical fact over which they have no control? Take age for example. Is it tolerance, possibly barely masked, I am exhibiting when I maneuver around an older driver driving below the speed limit? Tolerance would dictate that I at least show sympathy or indulgence for their belief that 45 mph is a safer speed for them at that particular time. I checked the law - 40 mph is minimal limit - so they are within the law. Am I actually being tolerant - or just impatient? Since we’re talking about age - what about teenagers? Ah, let me list the ways I that I might dig deep to show tolerance - music, dress, language, the umbilical cord to electronics… Have I ever said - Oh, that’s just how they are. Age is something over which they have no control. Is my “tolerance” actually about being positive toward our differences or am I patting myself on the back for holding myself above that fine line between tolerance and contempt for those who are not quite like me. What about skin color, sexual orientation, physical handicaps? Do I ever generalize, verbally or in my mind, about a group? Is it fueled by fear...ignorance?
What about tolerance with reference to practices differing or conflicting with mine - another aspect of the definition of tolerance. OK, religion. I know that I cannot wrap my mind around the ideas of God shared by many of my friends and family. It just doesn’t work for me. Does my tolerance of their beliefs diminish my value of them as a person? This is where I see that mere tolerance can be, in general, a negative thing. It’s fine to say I tolerate the heat, but if I tolerate my neighbor it’s not exactly a glowing endorsement. If I tolerate someone or their ideas in sympathy or indulgence for my own different beliefs it implies that there is something wrong or bad about them. If someone believes differently than me, the complete opposite from me - both of us strong in our beliefs - does tolerating those ideas allow me to treat them or even think of them as wrong?
This is where I find it necessary turn down the road - away from tolerance toward acceptance. Let’s again start with the definition of acceptance from Merriam/Webster: the act of accepting : the fact of being accepted : approval . My research here showed that putting it into practice is not an easy road. In an article on Acceptance vs Tolerance Matt Kailey warns us of the potholes in the journey toward acceptance. He writes:
Acceptance still has its unspoken baggage — “I
accept you — in spite of your sexual orientation, gender identity, ethnic
background, religion, pathetic bank account, unimpressive job, really
bad hair.” Acceptance can also comes with a disclaimer. Not only that,
but the whole idea of acceptance can often be accompanied by a notion
of generosity and do-goodliness on the part of the acceptor, who can
walk away feeling very self-satisfied that he or she was able to put
prejudices aside and accept you for who you are.
This still leaves you in the subordinate position — the position of being
the one who is accepted. And for this, you are supposed to be grateful.
The difficulty here is that while I may not be able to agree with the beliefs that others hold, I need to accept - approve - of their belief in them. I need to understand and accept that these beliefs are are part of who they are. During my research for my sermon on the third UU principle, ACCEPTANCE OF ONE ANOTHER AND ENCOURAGEMENT TO SPIRITUAL GROWTH IN OUR CONGREGATIONS, I really started to look at accepting people and beliefs differently. I did more research and, go figure, there is not an easy way to become an accepting person. Do I accept, approve of the person, yet reject their beliefs. There were articles that gave that as the answer. Jason Sharp describes acceptance in this way: Acceptance involves understanding and togetherness; it celebrates differences and allows people of different places and lifestyles to live together and help each other. Accepting someone means that you let them completely into your heart regardless of their lifestyle or way of thinking. You connect yourself to them and openly share yourself with them and them with you. There are no boundaries, just different ways of approaching the same problems.Different ways of approaching the same problems not a right and a wrong way. Of course this brought me around to the sermon Emily gave a few months back on the different ways that liberals and conservative process information. It makes sense to me that before I accept the person but disregard the idea I owe it to both of us to at least try to understand why they feel as they do. An article in Time Magazine reported on a new study published in the journal PLOS ONE, a group of political scientists and neuroscientists have found that conservatives and liberals use different parts of their mind when making risky decisions, and that these differences in brain function can be used to predict party affiliation. While these differences do not mean that ideas cannot be changed through information and education, it does indicate that if we don’t try to understand why others beliefs differ so much from our own we will never be able to really accept each other or meet on common ground.
Again from Jason Sharpe: I use “acceptance” all the time, and until there is a better word — one that really signifies an equal balance between various individuals or groups — I will probably keep using it. This research has actually been life changing in the way I look at ideas, situations, and people. I hope that as I continue on my journey, long and winding and full of potholes, that I move consciously forward in my destination of being a truly accepting person.
‘Cause in the words of Lewis Caroll - " If you don't know where you 're
going , any road'll take you there" .
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